


Her or You

by batyalewbel



Series: Familial Bonds [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, S2e9 tag, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 14:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batyalewbel/pseuds/batyalewbel
Summary: “I heard you before, Spock,” she murmured, still not looking at him, voice strained into calm.“I appreciate it, but if you’re just being kind because of what happened you don’t need to…” she stopped, swallowing hard, “I don’t want you to feel obligated. I’m okay.”Spock stared at his sister, trying to comprehend the logical leaps she made to get here and finding, with great discomfort, that he understood.





	Her or You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I had a lot of FEELINGS when I finally caught season 2 of Star Trek Disco and the fact that there aren't 30 billion fics about Spock and Michael trying to be good siblings is a CRIME.  
Also the fact that Spock NEVER HUGGED HIS GODDAMN SISTER made me insane. I might write another of these as a tag for ep 10. Also I acknowledge this scene kind of makes their really nice conversation in the next episode not work? But I have needs and that's what fic is for.

_ “It’s her or you Michael.” _

Spock liked to think he was not overly burdened with emotions the way humans were. He liked to think logic would be the overriding guide to his actions.

In that moment he did not care about logic or reason.

He understood that his sister cared for her crewmate, but Michael’s life was on the line.

Of course she would try to fight the inevitable, even if it led to her death

Spock had few recollections of the time between his release from Starfleet medical and Michael taking him to Talos IV. So much of that time was spent lost in his own thoughts as his consciousness slipped in and out of regular time. But suddenly Michael was there, looking at him with liquid eyes, calling his name, guiding him around with his arm over her shoulder.

He recalls with particularly strange clarity, the moment he woke up in what he later understood was a Section 31 ship. Michael was there, breathing fast as she practically tore him out of the seat he was in and led him to a shuttle, all the while murmuring softly, "Just a little farther. Just a little farther, Spock."

She saved him.

She put her life on the line for him and he never once thanked her for it.

He was too busy holding onto the bitter hurt he’d carried since they were children.

“It’s her or you, Michael,” he said. Not because it was logical or because Discovery would be at risk if Ariam escaped, but because he didn’t want to lose his sister. He didn’t want their last conversation to be one that was petty and cruel.

She had tried so hard to mend the hurt she had caused so long ago and he threw it all in her face.

That could not be their last conversation. 

Michael’s panicked cries filtered through the speakers as Ariam begged Michael to kill her. The camera on Ariam’s suit captured the look of agony on her face.

Spock’s hands twitched at his own helplessness.

_ “It’s her or you Michael.” _

In the end, Nahn was the one to do the deed and Michael sobbed and slammed her fist on the door over and over again, like it would do anything to change their predicament.

The bridge was silent except for the sound of her tears.

Spock bowed his head and said nothing. 

Finally Captain Pike turned to Lieutenant Owosekun, “Tell Engineering to beam them out of there.”

The lieutenant nodded and Spock was immediately out the door and heading towards the transporter room.

There was no thought, no consideration, no logic.

He all but ran to the transporter room as two lights were forming on the transporter pads.

He stood and waited, hands still twitching nervously behind his back.

The light on the left materialized into Security Officer Nahn.

The other was Michael.

She collapsed to her knees, still shaking with quiet sobs.

“Michael,” he said, taking a wary step forward.

She looked up, only just noticing his presence. And then she shut her eyes and looked away. Almost like she was ashamed to show so much emotion in his presence.

“Michael, I am…”

She shook her head like a warning, “Don’t.”

He pressed on anyway.

“I am sorry for what you have experienced…I am sorry for your loss.”

Security Officer Nahn was carefully stepping off her transporter pad, eyeing them both.

“She needs medical attention,” she told Spock, voice low, but not a whisper.

“I’m fine,” Michael said through her teeth.

“Like hell you are,” Nahn replied.

He watched as she pushed herself to her feet, as if that would prove the other woman wrong. Her skin paled and she swayed.

He stepped forward instinctively, hands outstretched.

“I’m...fine…” Michael repeated to both of them now, breathless and sounding anything but _fine_.

Then she dropped like a stone and only quick reflexes allowed Spock to catch her before she could crack her head on the hard ground.

“Get Medical,” he told Nahn. It wasn’t a request.

“Already done,” she replied, looking worse for wear herself as she sat down hard on the floor. Probably to avoid collapsing like Michael.

Moments later the medical team would appear and take them both away, but for now, he stared down at his sister. Her brow still furrowed, even in unconsciousness, her skin, tear-stained and covered in a sheen of cold sweat.

_ I did this, _he thought. 

It was an illogical thought of course seeing as how the entity possessing Ariam was the cause for this and yet…

The way she tried to hide what she was feeling from him, even though her grief was a rational, understandable response to a grievous loss.

He gritted his teeth and relinquished his hold on his sister as the medical team arrived and loaded her and the Security Officer onto gurneys and wheeled them to Sick Bay. 

Spock trailed after them.

Much the way he used to trail after his sister when they were small.

\--

Dr. Pollard looked not the least bit surprised when she stepped into the hall and saw him waiting just outside the door to Sick Bay.

“She’s stable and refusing to sleep and does not want to be sedated,” the Doctor said in that quiet, borderline irritated way of hers, “So if you upset her, I am kicking you out of my Sick Bay.”

Spock stared for only a moment before inclining his head. 

She nodded back and led him to the bio-bed where Michael was shifting restlessly, eyes darting around the room.

He stood by her bed and watched as Dr. Pollard stepped back, eyeing them both warily as she went about her work.

For her part, Michael clearly noticed him, but simply closed her eyes and looked away.

“Michael,” he said her name softly, trying to indicate a greeting but also a renewal of his previous sentiments.

“I heard you before, Spock,” she murmured, still not looking at him, voice strained into calm.

“I appreciate it, but if you’re just being kind because of what happened you don’t need to…” she stopped, swallowing hard, “I don’t want you to feel obligated. I’m okay.”

Spock stared at his sister, trying to comprehend the logical leaps she made to get here and finding, with great discomfort, that he understood.

“I am not here out of obligation,” he said.

“You saw me nearly get killed and lose one of my…” she stopped, blinking back tears, “...one of my crew. If it’s not obligation, why are you here Spock? Because I’ll talk about Red Angel tomorrow, I promise, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Spock exhaled, staring down at his sister, who was still resolutely avoiding his gaze.

He turned and found a chair against the wall by the bed. He tugged it forward and settled into his, buying himself a few moments to think about his response.

“Michael...when you were on that ship--”

“--It was her or me, and Discovery was in danger, I know…” she rolled her eyes which were full again.

“No,” he shook his head, “In that moment I was not worried for Discovery or any of the lives on it, including my own. I was...afraid...for you.”

Her gaze finally cut to him, sharp as a blade.

“Our last conversation was...spiteful and cruel and I was afraid those might be the last words we said to each other.”

He forced himself to hold her gaze and speak honestly...humanly…

“I was afraid of losing you, sister.”

Her shoulders were shaking, her expression twisting as a sob escaped her, ugly and raw.

He sat there, helpless again as his sister cried.

He stood up, uncertain, but wanting to do _ something. _He tried to think of what Mother would do. What would be the human thing to do.

It felt alien, but as he reached for her, she sat up and reached back. They folded into an awkward embrace. He had to bend slightly to do it and she had to reach up, hands pressing into his back. He let his arms wrap around her tight, the way their Mother would hug them when they were small, like her arms could guard them from the world.

He held her close, like that alone would keep her safe, even though he knew it wouldn’t.

She buried her head in his chest and cried and he remained where he was, a little stiff, a little cold.

Mother would whisper soft words, moving with that gentle kindness that came so easily to her.

Spock did his best and held his sister tight.

It did not make up for his previous behavior, or fix the wounds she had given him so long ago.

But for the time being it was enough.

Later he would find the words he’d been trying to say all along but for now he hugged his sister close and murmured softly, “I’m sorry Michael. I’m so sorry.”


End file.
